


Until Then

by snickets



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:52:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snickets/pseuds/snickets
Summary: Kaoru's been thinking a lot lately.





	Until Then

Kaoru finds out his sister is pregnant on a Tuesday afternoon over coffee and tea. Chamomile for her, coffee for him—she tells him, pink-cheeked and smiling.

I wanted you to be the first to know, she says. Her hands move out towards him, but she stops herself short, seconding-guessing how close she is allowed to be to him even after all these years.

He reaches over and grabs her hands. He squeezes them. They're small in his own. The shape of her wedding ring presses against his skin.

He says congratulations. Anybody would be lucky to have her as a mother, he says. Her kid's going to be the luckiest kid in the world.

When he smiles at her, she starts to tear up, eyes going glassy and brow knitting together. He's reminded of that time before her omiai when years of silence had finally cracked and overflowed. Unlike that time, though, he doesn't cry. He swallows the lump in his throat and holds back his tears and wipes away hers.

He means it, he says. He really, sincerely means it.

 

 

Later, they will find out it is a girl and later, Kaoru will enlist the help of Adonis's sisters to pick out a gift for her and later, Kaoru will see her for the first time with her tiny hands and tiny feet and his heart will swell up, completely overwhelmed by how beautiful and wonderful she is and how much he loves her already. Even later, Kaoru will pick her up from kindergarten, making small talk with the teachers who sometimes recognize him as an idol. UNDEAD won't be as active as they once were when they were all younger and wanted different things out of life, but they won't ever officially break up. They may all become different things, different people; they may end up living a life they never expected for themselves as teenagers, but a part of themselves, of their lives will always belong to UNDEAD. None of them would be the people they are without each other.

It will still be easy for Kaoru to smile the way he used to, bright and dazzling, muscle memory and memories of his times on stage kicking in, but it's even easier to smile for the fans who once loved and supported him and still do.

Thank you for remembering an old-timer like me, he will say while his niece runs around the yard, saying her goodbyes to friends she'll see the next morning, and the teachers will wave their hands and insist that he is nothing of the sort. UNDEAD is still very popular! He shouldn't sell himself short!

When his niece is done, he will hold her hand as he walks her back to his apartment and when she points at a poster advertising ice cream, he'll buy it for her even though he knows that if his sister finds out (and she always does), she'll shake her head and scold him for spoiling her. She has you wrapped around her little finger, Kaoru-chan, she'll say, pinching his cheek as if he's still 17 and not nearly twice that. Kaoru will just shrug and laugh, because what is there to say? It's true after all.

He'd like to think that he's her favorite as well—the favorite uncle, the favorite relative—but when he opens the door to his apartment, she will rush into Kanata's waiting arms and Kanata, smiling, will pick her up and rest her on his hip and ask her how her day was and if she'd like to say 'hello' to the fish.

And that will make Kaoru love the both of them even more.

 

 

He remembers a time when he and Kanata went to go visit Souma after they graduated.

It had been early enough in the year that the new member hadn't joined the club yet. It made him happy, a little, to be able to go back to Yumenosaki and still find a place for him there, even if Souma insisted that he would have rather just had Kanata visit. He didn't belong there anymore, but the fact that a place still lingered and persisted despite all the goodbyes was comforting in a way he didn't expect.

It'd been nice to be able to fall back into the familiarity of a bout with Souma—Souma flinging insults at him and Kaoru laughing and dodging his blows with a fondness he hadn't realized he possessed until the very end when Souma had stood up on that stage all on his own and Kaoru did everything he could to make sure he would never stumble and fall. Kaoru had seen Souma last week, when he'd come to the studio to meet up with Adonis.

He'd asked him to thank Kanata for the dietary suggestions for Kamegorou.

Kaoru assured him that he would, then tugged on Souma's ponytail and asked him why he hadn't bothered to change his hairstyle for seven years.

Souma shot back that Kaoru had no right to speak of hairstyles when his hair was as unkempt and disgraceful as ever.

Things had changed, but not that much.

 

 

Kanata isn't home. He's gone on a trip to the southern coast, filming a segment for a food and travel show. The producers had taken a liking to him after his first segment with them and had done everything to get him to come back for a semi-regular spot. Apparently Kanata had been very popular among viewers.

Kaoru looks into the large aquarium in their living room.

"Kanata-kun's not going to be home for a few days," he tells the fish swimming around in the water. "So, I'm going to need you guys to work with me and not die, okay?"

One of the fish swims out of the plants and up to the glass.

It is particularly ugly.

"Especially not you," he says to it. "You're his favorite."

If fish could shrug, Kaoru thinks this one would. He feels it place the entire burden of its continued existence on his shoulders.

"Thanks," says Kaoru. "I really appreciate it."

He sits down on the couch and closes his eyes.

His hips still ache slightly because of last night. He'd been the one to initiate, so he couldn't complain and even if he wanted to, there was nobody to listen besides the fish and a still slightly smug Rei a phone call away.

The air conditioning clicks off.

It had started with Kaoru climbing on top of Kanata and resting a hand against his chest as he leaned down to kiss him, mouth opening and tongue pressing against his and it had ended with Kanata pushing him up against a wall and kissing the tops of his shoulders as he thrust into him. Kaoru hadn't bothered to temper his voice much, not like he had when they'd first started sleeping together, biting his knuckles and swallowing his moans as Kanata pushed his thighs open further and curled his fingers inwards.

Kanata leaned forward to whisper into Kaoru's ear, one hand on his hip and the other grazing his inner thigh. "'Good boy,' Kaoru," said Kanata and Kaoru's arms slid down the wall slightly as his breaths came in pants, heart pounding in his chest.

Kanata's hand moved up his thigh. "'Good boy,'" he repeated. Kaoru jerked his hips back instinctively as Kanata began to jerk him off, whispering to Kaoru the entire time.

_Good boy, good boy. You're such a good boy, Kaoru._

_Kaoru._

_Kaoru._

 

 

They hadn't gotten together right after school.

Kaoru had his idol work, trying to establish UNDEAD with Rei so that when Adonis and Koga joined them, they'd be able to take the world by storm and, besides, his acknowledgement of his feelings for Kanata hadn't yet gone beyond a flimsy denial of any wet dreams he may or may not have had featuring Kanata which didn't even matter anyway, right, since he even had those about Rei sometimes and he certainly wasn't in love with Rei of all people.

It was nothing.

There was nothing.

Kanata was his friend and that was all there was to it just like Rei was his friend who gave him blowjobs sometimes and who he jerked off sometimes and that was all there was to it.

There was no reason why following through and experimenting with Rei seemed less threatening than even broaching the topic with Kanata. There was no reason at all why even thinking about his dreams involving Kanata made him feel a little clammy and nauseous, his heart pounding and his throat closing up and his chest tightening like he was going to be sick.

No reason.

Even after he and Rei had stopped fucking around and Koga and Adonis had joined them, he didn't approach it. He shut that part of himself off. Took everything he thought he shouldn't be thinking about Kanata and buried it, shoved it aside and greeted Kanata with a smile that said nothing, gestures that said nothing, words that said nothing.

It was just confusion. Thoughts gone awry and caught up in the wrong wavelengths and one day they'd all go away as if they'd never been been mistakenly brought into existence by some joke of nature.

His feelings for Kanata were simply friendship. Platonic. The kind you have for a friend who understands you fully, completely, without words.

It was love, but not that love.

Love, but he wasn't in love.

It wasn't until the month Kanata disappeared, three years after they graduated, that Kaoru had allowed himself to consider it anything else.

 

 

Kaoru thinks Kanata is the most beautiful like this: cheeks flushed pink, slightly overlong hair tucked behind one ear, with hooded eyes and parted lips as he looks down at Kaoru beneath him.

He likes it best when he can see Kanata's face, watching how it turns from a soft kind of beauty—one that's round along the edges and eases warmth into his heart, slowly spreading across his chest—into a dangerous kind—one that's sharp and lethal as it pierces into his pulse and sets his veins on fire.

He likes it too when his knees press into the sheets, arms wrapped around Kanata's neck, and his face buries into the slope of Kanata's shoulder and he breathes him in, Kanata's hands grabbing his hips as Kaoru moves, face flushed, cock pressing against Kanata's stomach.

Mostly, he likes it when Kanata talks to him. Whispers in his ear. Says his name.

And he knows Kanata likes doing it as well.

 

 

When Kanata finally showed up on Kaoru's doorstep after that month, the first thing he said was Kaoru's name.

"Kaoru," he said. His eyes were trained on the ground. "Kaoru, do you 'remember' what you told me?"

He looked up.

"Can I 'escape' to you now, Kaoru?"

That was when Kaoru realized he'd been in love with Kanata all along.

It'd still taken a few months after that for them to get together. There had been things to sort out. Things to do. Things to say.

Later, though, Kanata would insist that they'd been together since way before Kaoru had grabbed Kanata's fingers in the blue glow of the aquarium and pulled him closer to tell him he loved him. Kaoru just hadn't realized it because he was too dense.

He was like a clam, Kanata said, playing with the ends of Kaoru's hair. A timid clam that opened up a little bit only to shut in on itself when somebody started to reach out to touch it. A timid, cute, little clam and only Kanata knew what laid inside.

He hugged Kaoru from behind and used the height advantage he had sitting on the couch to kiss the top of Kaoru's head. "Besides," he said, "you 'already' told me you loved me in high school."

Kanata breathed in. "'You can always escape to where I am.'"

He smiled. "If that's not love," Kanata said, "then what is?"

 

 

Kanata likes to touch him. He likes touching his hair, his face—likes running his hands over Kaoru's body, feeling him shiver and respond to his touch.

Kanata likes kissing him too—likes trailing kisses down Kaoru's neck and shoulder as he pulls off Kaoru's shirt and Kaoru tries to do the same to his.

He likes giving Kaoru attention. He likes showering him with it—focused and undivided, touching and kissing and licking every part of Kaoru until he knows it all, every freckle and every scar and all those sensitive places that make Kaoru squirm and gasp and hold onto him even tighter.

Kaoru doesn't mind it. He's never minded, though at first he wasn't sure how to reciprocate when Kanata always took control and made it all about Kaoru. He just wanted the opportunity to do the same for Kanata. To give him the attention he deserved. To give him the attention he wanted to give, carry out the fantasies that ran through his mind whenever he saw Kanata tuck a piece of hair behind his ear and lean down to taste the seasoning of the soup boiling on the stove, blowing on the spoon, the curve of his neck exposed, the shape of his collarbone clear above the neckline of his shirt.

When he'd mentioned it to Kanata, he'd been rather nervous for some reason, like some part of him was still stuck somewhere else, expecting Kanata to say he didn't want to be touched by Kaoru, not like that, but Kanata had just rummaged through Kaoru's closet, exited the room, then came back in and wordlessly plopped himself down onto Kaoru's bed dressed only in a button up shirt. His legs were bent and tucked behind him and he leaned back on his hands, looking up at Kaoru with a wicked sort of grin on his face.

Even that had almost proved too much for him.

He'd gotten better at controlling himself since then, though.

 

 

The first time they'd slept together, Kaoru was sure the tangled mess of nerves and lingering neuroses stuck in his chest would spill over and choke him.

Later, Kanata would admit he was nervous too, though he had been better at hiding it. Of 'course,' he was nervous, he said, snuggling himself up against Kaoru's side. There was a beat of silence before Kanata continued. "I wasn't sure if you would 'run away,'" he said quietly.

Even later, Kanata would tell Kaoru about how there was a time when he wasn't sure Kaoru would ever come around. "I almost 'kissed' you once, you know," he said, resting his legs on Kaoru's lap.

Kaoru snapped to attention. "What?" He shook his head. "Wait, when?"

Kanata hugged the blobfish plushie closer to his chest. "When we 'visited' Souma." He closed his eyes. "We were in the 'stairwell' and Kaoru kept 'talking' about how happy he was to 'see' me again so then I 'thought'...," he trailed off. He lifted the plushie up to his face and continued to speak, voice muffled. "I 'thought' you would be even happier if I 'kissed' you, but when I 'tried,' you just laughed and walked 'past' me."

Kaoru vaguely remembered what Kanata was talking about. At the time, he thought it'd been a joke—Kanata standing at the top of the stairs and blocking his path upwards—but even then there had been a split second when Kaoru had wondered if it wasn't just some game Kanata was playing. He'd dismissed the thought as soon as it had arrived, though.

Of course not.

Kanata-kun?

Of course not.

Kaoru leaned over to pull the plushie off Kanata's face. "Hey, Kanata. Kanata-kuuun." He smiled. "Kanata-kuuun, did you have a crush on me?"

Kanata threw the blobfish at Kaoru's face, hitting his target square in the center. "No." He huffed, sitting up. "I did 'not.' Kaoru was the one who 'did.'"

"Yeah, I did," Kaoru said. "Didn't realize it though."

After it was all over—Kanata's breath hot in his ear as he came, cum spilling over his hand, hips jerking up against Kaoru's, before he'd kissed Kaoru one last time—Kanata had laid down, ear against Kaoru's chest.

It turned into something Kanata did often, resting his head against Kaoru's chest and listening to his heart beat. Kaoru asked him about it once, stroking his hair as they watched Chiaki's latest TV show.

Kanata was silent for a few seconds before he responded. "Kaoru says I 'calm' him, right?" He brought a hand up to his face and let it rest against Kaoru's chest. "'This' calms me."

 

 

Once, Kaoru had woken up to find Kanata hovering over him, the shadow of his hair masking his face. It was hard to tell what Kanata was thinking, sometimes. The feelings he wanted to share flowed out of him with no trouble at all, but the feelings he didn't, he held close to his chest—locked, buried, and stowed away. The line between the two made Kaoru hesitant sometimes—unsure of whether to push Kanata further or to leave it to silence and Kanata's own devices.

He drowsily reached up to stroke Kanata's cheek. "What're you doing?" Kaoru said, voice thick with sleep. "You coming back to bed soon?"

Kanata had just grabbed Kaoru's hand and held it against his skin, not saying anything. Kaoru remained silent as well, the quiet hum of the air conditioning and their breathing the only sounds in the room.

Sometimes, Kaoru got the impression that Kanata did the things he did to make sure Kaoru was still with him. Still alive. To make sure this was still reality.

Kaoru did the same, sometimes. After a bad dream, he'd reach over and grab onto Kanata to ground himself. To remind himself that this was reality and his nightmares were not.

"I'm here," Kaoru said. "I'll always be here, Kanata."

 

 

A few weeks ago, Kaoru bought a ring.

It's a simple gold band with an inscription on the inside.

He holds it up to the light then looks over to the fish tank. "Do you think he'll like it?"

The fish swim past, not a care in the world.

He smiles.

 

 

Later they will have a daughter of their own.

Kaoru will teach her how to swim, standing in the pool and encouraging her to jump in, and laughing as she runs up and down in place instead, pigtails bouncing up and down, wanting to get into the water, but being too afraid to at the same time. Kanata will laugh and smile from the sidelines and will sit on the edge of the pool with her, their feet in the water, as he tells her about all his favorite sea creatures. She repeats back her favorites to Kaoru, bouncing up and down, and eventually slips into the pool by accident of her own enthusiasm. It doesn't take her long to get used to the water from then on. At the end of the day, she'll declare that she was never afraid of the water 

In elementary school, she will join the swim team and in middle school, Kaoru will teach her how to surf, though she will join the basketball team instead thanks to Chiaki.

They will move into a house and every inch of it will be decorated with her artwork—Kanata hanging up every single one and refusing to take them down. They are 'important,' he will say, shielding them from her hands.

She'll try to argue with him, hanging off his arms as he goes about his day, but he won't ever give in.

She will be lively and energetic and a ray of sunshine who is adored and adores in turn. Sometimes, when she falls asleep in one of their arms, Kaoru and Kanata will look at her and wonder how it's possible to love another human being so much and, for the first time in both of their lives, they will feel like they have a family.

Whole.

Unbroken.

Warm and loving and bright.

One day, when she comes home with her hair all messed up and her shirt dirtied and torn, she will stand in the middle of the kitchen, hands balled into fists at her side and yell that they aren't just a pretend family. That they are a family, for real. That they might not look like each other but that doesn't mean anything at all. She will say:

She doesn't have to pretend.

She will never have to pretend.

It's real to her.

This is all real.

This is her family and will always be.

And for a long time afterward, she will think of how Kanata scooped her up into his arms and how she finally broke, tears streaming down her face and Kaoru stroking her hair, and she will think:

This is always where she was meant to be.

 

 

Kaoru thinks of Kanata gathering his hair into a loose ponytail—how he pulls it to one side, and presses a kiss against the exposed skin of Kaoru's neck.

He thinks of the time he asked Kanata why he'd fallen in love with him.

"Because I 'wanted' to," he'd said.

"Because I 'wanted' to make you 'happy' and I could not think of 'anything' I would not do to make you 'happy,'" he said.

 

 

Kaoru moves his phone to his other ear. "When you come back," he says, "there's something I want to ask you."

Kanata laughs gently.

Kaoru smiles.

"You cannot 'ask' me now?"

"Nope."

"Hmm…" Kaoru can hear the smile in his voice. "Okay, Kaoru. Until 'then.'"

"Until then, Kanata."

**Author's Note:**

> tbh this just started out as an attempt at nsfw but then it snowballed and became......this.
> 
> i probably wouldn't have even finished this if it wasn't dita's birthday so happy (one day late in your time zone) birthday dita! may kaokana july come true one day.


End file.
